Staring down from my balcony overlooking a gigantic green meadow. I saw the silhouette of a man in the distance. When he had finally gotten close enough to the apartment, he happily shouted.
"Danny, will you marry me!"
He called my name. Pronounced it wrong, but still it was my name. Seconds later a man came rushing to his balcony, a little girl around five snuck out to take a look, she was shocked to see the lovely looking male specimen holding a sign that read; Danny, will you marry me!!!
That's when I realized he was talking to the man not me.
Lol, funny story, I like it! I don't think anyone thought of that kind of twist i the end. Fantastic job Donut The Duck!
ReplyDeleteyour story has a good twist to it. I think that you should add more detail to who the man was that he was talking to. otherwise great story.
ReplyDeleteGood story. I think you might want to start your story a bit stronger to engage the reader. I would read your story out loud to see if you have any mistakes.
ReplyDeleteBe sure to use the feedback that was given to you by your peers. I agree that your opening line could be stronger to grab the readers attention. The first line isn't a complete sentence and is missing the noun. You story is a little bit confusing and I needed to read it twice to understand what was happening. I am not sure how the part about girl fits the story as it feels like it is just added because you needed to use the prompt. Be sure to check over for fluency.
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