Being Rocked to sleep,
By my beautiful mother.
It was slowly getting hotter,
And her singing getting softer
By my beautiful mother.
It was slowly getting hotter,
And her singing getting softer
Lifted to safety,
being a little hasty,
To realize that I am fine.
That bad things happen all the time.
Watching from the tower,
Seeing the power.
Then it started to rain.
The flames danced bright in the night.
The fire that was once burning bright,
Is now shriveled to a slight glow.
And now I know,
That fires can only ruin peoples lives,
For a brief period of time.
I really like how you wrote your story but there are a few words you could change to make it make more sense. Like on the thirteenth line you could put "I was fine." Instead of "I am fine." You could also change the word "dancing" to "danced." Something I really like about your story is the really strong language. Good job!
ReplyDeleteI agree with stitch, you could change a few lines to make it make more sense. Otherwise your story is great, I can see all the things happening! I also like the diacritics words you used for this story!
ReplyDeleteI really like your story, but on the first line I think you should add a comma after fire. You have a good story line but I think you should read it out loud.
ReplyDeleteA creative idea for the prompt this week. Some parts of your poem work really well and you have focused on powerful sentences and followed a rhyming pattern. Other phrases don't follow your rhyming pattern. It is important to be consistent. Your poem/story gets stronger towards the ending. The beginning is hard to follow especially because you have periods to end each phrase making it choppy in its flow.
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