Wednesday 24 February 2016

Week 8

The Drive

Prompt: Gas, Swimming, Dancer, Green, Likely

My sister was a professional dancer, heading to my sisters dance recital, it was not likely we would end up going swimming.

 Driving down the road in a small town on a cliff. Passing houses looked liked blur of white and blue.  Out my sister's window you would see small patches of the dark blue water through the trees bulky, bare branches. All of a sudden dad hits the gas hard and the car turns sharply off the edge of the cliff.

I flash back to all the key moments of my life remembering them all perfectly, until I come across one that isn't one of mine, not even a dream. It was from today, but not from my perspective. His hair was combed the same, he was wearing the same clothes he was when he picked us up except he was sitting at a table cards in his hand, a mug with the same yellowy-green liquid he would always drink when I was only three, Mom would always yell at him for doing this in front of me, but that would not stop him from doing it anyways. It was beer. He was a drunk. That was the last thought I ever had before we plunged into the lake and the world faded to darkness.

2 comments:

  1. Your story is on the long side and does not fit the 100 word criteria. You have three very different ideas that you are trying to fit together into a story. Working on connecting these ideas will help on fluency or omitting parts that are not related will help too. The flash back is the most intriguing part of your story and I wonder how you could develop and revise this part of your story.

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  2. I agree you need to make sure to go over and check the amount of words you put in your story. I'm very confused on what's going on in the story. Go check over your story.

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