Tuesday 3 May 2016

Week 16

I was walking through the woods one night, snow was gently falling. I wondered why no one was out on a beautiful night like this. The moon and stars were shining,  barely visible through the trees. Shivering in the snow, I felt like I was being followed. Suddenly, I heard something behind me, so I turned around, but before I could someone grabbed my shoulders and pushed down, making me fall. She dragged me into the woods. I struggled to get loose but somehow, she managed to keep me contained. As we went on into the woods...
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3 comments:

  1. Cocopuff4 May 2016 at 10:05

    I'm a little confused, because you say that it's a beautiful night, and then you're shivering, which normally isn't associated with happiness. You might want to end with a cliffhanger.

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  2. lillytiger6 May 2016 at 17:33

    After you say, " but before I could" you need a comma. Also I agree with Coco puff.
    I was a little confused at the end because it just ended in the middle of a sentence. Like Coco Puff said, you could end with a cliffhanger, instead of the sentence cut.
    Great work Donut the duck!

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  3. Unknown6 May 2016 at 18:16

    You need a comma after 'could' also instead of ending the sentence after 'woods' in your sixth sentence, you should just add the word 'and' I also agree with Cocopuff about ending with a cliffhanger and not just in the middle of your story. Nice story though!

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